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Book Name: The Sun Behind the Sun Behind the SunPrevious     Next
 

not through the head.

[A sannyasin asks about her problem: It's about shock. After primal, in the last days of primal, I had a feeling of anguish... I feel afraid.]

It is nothing to be worried about and you have to allow it. You have been resisting, you have been trying to avoid it. This is something beautiful that is coming very very close to exploding. It is the death of the ego that is very close by, hence the fear and anguish. You should be happy that it is coming close, but the fear is also natural.

It feels almost as if one is going to die. Because you don't know yourself; you know only the ego. You know the ego as yourself; you don't know that you are not the ego, that you are the witness of it, that you are utterly separate from it, that it is just a cloud in the sky and you are the sky, and the cloud disperses. Nothing to be worried about. The sky will not disperse because the cloud has dispersed; in fact the sky will become more clean, more clear when the cloud is gone. But for many lives one goes on thinking of oneself as the cloud, so when the cloud starts dispersing, fear arises, panic arises.

And it will always arise when you relax because relaxation is against the ego. The ego is perfectly happy when you are tense; the ego lives out of tensions, it is nourished by tension. When you are tense, occupied, engaged, doing this and that and thinking this and that, when you are in fragments, rushing all over the place, -- then the ego is perfectly happy, it cannot die, then there is no fear for the ego. But when you are sitting silently listening to me or you relax or sit with closed eyes, again the tension disappears, and with the tension gone the ego starts feeling the danger. When tension disappears you have pulled out the very earth from underneath the ego. That's why it is happening in relaxation.

Down the ages masters have been teaching people to relax just for the single reason that when you really relax the ego will be gone. The ego and consciousness cannot relax together; the ego cannot relax and a relaxed consciousness cannot have the ego.

It is like ice melting: when the ice melts, the ice will disappear;

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