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Not only this relationship... if you remain in it too long it will cripple your future relationships also. It will affect them because it will become part of your past... it will hang around you. There is every possibility that you will again find the same type of woman -- and you will again get into trouble and go on repeating the same pattern.
So whenever you feel a relationship is not going well, I don't say come out of it -- I say jump out of it! Don't waste a single moment. There are millions of other women... one door closes, all other doors open. And the moment you move, another door will become possible for her also.
If you don't fit, that doesn't mean that you will not fit with anyone else. If she doesn't fit with you, that doesn't mean that she will not fit with anybody else. But you can be related to a person who doesn't fit. Neither you nor the other person is wrong. You simply don't fit... you are not made for each other.
You cannot do anything which will make you fit. If you try too hard to, you may start adjusting -- which is not fitting.
That is the greatest calamity that can happen to a relationship -- when two persons settle for adjustment. And if you are long enough in a difficult relationship, what can you do? You have to adjust. Then you settle for something that is not worthwhile. You drop all the romance of life and all poetry. Your life will lose all significance and grandeur. It will become very ordinary, very mundane... in fact, profane. It will lose the dimension of the sacred.
The sacred exists with the romantic, with the poetic. The sacred is adventure. It is risky -- but there is no other way to live. Danger is the only dimension.
Both your relationship with this woman and your profession come from your deep-rooted inability to decide. So you go on clinging; whatsoever the case, you will cling. But still, there is a possibility -- you have not settled yet. That's good. You are not yet adjusted... that's good... that gives hope.
But don't waste more time in it. Just take the jump out of it. At least at the most you can be a beggar, that's all (a chuckle). What is wrong in being a beggar?
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