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Book Name: Beloved of My HeartPrevious     Next

[A sannyasin mother says she is having problems in her relationship: I find myself being very bitchy and nagging sometimes. I feel I'm just asking for a fight all the time.]

Mm mm, love always brings trouble -- and it has to be faced. Love cannot be always smooth, and it is good that it is not always smooth, otherwise you would not grow.

Whenever there is a change, any sort of change, things will come into focus more clearly. When change disturbs you, all your inner disturbances are stirred. You are both feeling disturbed and both trying to throw the responsibility on the other. Just try to see it inside yourself. The other is never responsible. Remember that as a mantra: The other is never responsible....

Just watch it ... just watch it. If you become wise in the moment, there will be no problem. This is wisdom that you get later on. Everybody becomes wise when the moment is gone. Retrospective wisdom is worthless. When you are picking on something, at that very moment become aware, and let awareness function. Immediately you will drop it.

But when you have done everything and fought and nagged and bitched and then you become wise and see that there was no point in it, it is too late. It is meaningless -- you have done the harm. This wisdom is just pseudo-wisdom. It gives you a feeling as if you have understood. That is a trick of the ego. This wisdom is not going to help. When you were doing the thing, at that very moment, simultaneously, the awareness should arise, and you should see that it is useless.

If you can see it when it is there, then you cannot do it. One can never go against one's awareness, and if one goes against it, that awareness is not awareness. Something else is being mistaken for it.

So remember, the other is never responsible for anything. It is something boiling within you. And of course the one you love is closest to you. You cannot throw it on some stranger passing on the road, so the closest person becomes the place where you go on throwing and pouring your nonsense. But that has to be avoided, because love is very fragile. If you do it too much, if you overdo it, love can disappear.


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