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but once you become conscious about it, it can be dissolved. Scars exist only unconsciously, and you are perfectly conscious because your breathing moves perfectly into the same pattern it would have been in when you were being suffocated. So your body remembers it perfectly. Just being conscious about it is enough; it can be undone.
There is nothing to be worried about, but it has been there. That may be the cause why you cannot feel a deep trust towards life; that's why you are not flowing. The mother is the first experience of life, the mother is the first contact with the world, so whatsoever impact the mother leaves on you is the impact of the world. If you cannot trust your mother, then you cannot trust anybody. It is impossible. How to trust? If even your mother was trying to suffocate you, what to say about others?
So you are afraid. Because of that fear, energy is there but it cannot dare to make contacts with the world But you are alert and it will drop. Just try an experiment, with any woman. You can look around and find any woman who reminds you of your mother. Go to her and tell her this is from me. Every day sit for fifteen minutes holding her hands, and tell her to be loving towards you. Just feel that she is your mother.
You need to be reconnected to your mother, that's all. Once that contact happens, you will start feeling flowing. Every night before you go to sleep, put this [Osho hands him a box] on your heart for two minutes so what your mother has not done, I will do. Then put this under your pillow and go to sleep. Very good.
[A group member says: ... I don't feel the need for something to happen.]
No, no, there is no need. And no need to think about it, because that's how the mind is trying to create a problem. Once the problem is there, you will be closed again. No need for a problem right now. Just enjoy that breeze that is passing through you. Enjoy this lightness that has happened to you and these moments of no problems.
[The group member adds: But I feel as if I'm losing my memory.]
Losing your memory! Nothing to worry about. It may just be that because you are feeling so light and at ease,
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