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from the throat; you are not involved in it....
So just try to remain true to the moment. If you feel afraid, then be afraid -- nothing to worry about. Just tremble like a leaf in a strong wind. What can you do? There is death and every sort of calamity in life, every sort of misery, and one is afraid -- naturally. There is nothing wrong in it. No need to be brave, no need to perform; no need to show anybody that you are brave. You are full of fear so be afraid. When you feel like crying, cry. When you feel like laughing, laugh... just move with the moment.
It will take a little time to get the hang of it but it will come. And you know, everybody knows, when one is trying to be phoney. It may have become a long-standing habit, that s all.
You are in a certain relationship with anybody?
[Her boyfriend comes forward. He said he felt confused when she started crying. He felt sad, and yet wondered if that was only because he felt he should be. He didn't really know what he felt.]
You do two things: allow her to be real -- because sometimes we don't allow the other. If she wants to be sad, okay -- there is nothing wrong in it, let her. And don't try to force her out of her sadness prematurely; let sadness mature. It is difficult sometimes -- you would like her to laugh and be happy. Who does not want that?
And the second thing: don't show any sympathy when you feel she is being phoney. For example, if she is crying and you feel she is being phoney say, 'This is not going to help, and I am not going to show any sympathy ' You will be helping her. By and by she will understand that being phoney does not pay.
Women become very phoney because they understand the trick of manipulation. Lovers, husbands, children even, they can manipulate by crying -- then they become dominating. You feel compassion and sympathy. Whether you feel it or not, at least you show it, because otherwise it will look inhuman if she is crying and you are not sympathetic. But to be sympathetic when the other is being phoney is very dangerous; you are destroying her soul. It is not compassion -- it is poisoning her.
Whenever you see that she is
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