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mm? The alphabet of love, truth, has to be learned with those who are very close -- because they will understand, mm? Good.
[A sannyasin says: I'm becoming more and more aware that I've been missing much out of fear of punishment.]
Every society conditions the mind of children -- makes them afraid of punishment; makes them -- seduces them -- to be greedy for awards. From the very beginning a child comes again and again to these two alternatives: if he does this, father won't like it -- and he will be punished. If he does that, father will like it -- and he will be rewarded. So he stops listening to his own heart.
Even if the heart says 'do this', first he has to check how his father, his mother, the society or the government is going to react. You would like to do something, but what are others going to say? They will punish you for it -- so then you drop that project.
So that fear of punishment -- a vague fear, you don't know exactly what it is.... This is the whole thing -- that up to now you have been doing things which others were expecting you to do. You were considering others.
Gurdjieff used to say to his disciples, 'Drop considerations, otherwise you will never be an independent being.'
Drop consideration. I'm not saying to hurt anybody. I'm not saying that just for the sake of rebellion, be rebellious. That too is foolish. That will not bring you to your natural spontaneous being. That is moving in the opposite direction. It is a reaction -- not a rebellion. You follow me?
Your father said to you not to do something. You can react, and can do just the opposite. Or whatsoever he was saying to do, you can do. But whether you do it or not, in both ways you are dominated by your father. For example, if I say 'Don't go to the West', you can say 'I am an independent man, and I cannot listen to you'. But you are following me. I dominated the whole thing. You think you denied me -- of course you denied me; but negatively you followed me. In the first place, was there a desire to go to the West? If it was there, then go. If it was not there, then don't be bothered what others are saying -- you go to the South, go
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