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Hence all the religions have been working on sex energy. No religion has been able to neglect it; it cannot be neglected.
But the basic point was that if you can remain celibate for six months, it will give you an integrity and awareness. And then I would have allowed you -- but then your total sex energy would have changed. Then you would have moved in relationships with awareness. Mechanical sex can never lead you towards love... and that's what you are missing, that's what you are hankering for and desiring. But you will only get sex. If you are mechanical, more than that is not possible.
More becomes possible if you become more. If you attain a higher level of awareness, then higher qualities become available to you. It is just as if you go on a higher peak; a greater and wider vision becomes available. If you live in a valley, of course you cannot have a great vision around you; you ar5e not open to all the directions.
So it is up to you. don't feel guilty about it; just feel poorer for it. You have not committed a sin, but you could not get out, even a little, from the mechanical wheel. This was going to help you tremendously.
Just think about it: you have been having sex all your life, and what have you attained? And just by not having it for six months, what were you going to lose? One should be a little alert and aware, and one should meditate about things. The mind goes on insisting on its own habits, and then you go on losing opportunities. It is for you to use or lose.
So don't feel that you have done anything wrong. You could not do the right, that's all. Wrong you were doing always -- so continue....
Sometimes very small things change you tremendously. Just not having sex for six months is nothing. Maybe a little uneasy because of the old habit, but what is going to be wrong in it? Sex is not an essential thing for the individual's survival. For the society's survival it is very significant, but not for the individual's survival.
Food is more essential. If I tell you not to eat for one month, it will be almost impossible for you. Or if I tell you not to sleep for two weeks, or not to breathe for five
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