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love. But it always goes from the thinking -- and that thinking is a barrier, a buffer. It absorbs everything and does not allow anything.
But this is the first point when you come to understand that you are not in touch with your feelings. Once you understand this then something is possible. So go on working.
Be more aware, in touch. Try to expose yourself, because nothing is at loss; you are not losing anything by exposing yourself. You may gain, but you cannot lose because you don't have anything. The whole effort is in a way, ridiculous -- you are saving something which you don't have, and I am trying to help you to drop something which you don't have.
You just cling to the idea that you have it. Once you drop it you will be simply surprised that there was nothing there; you were not holding anything. You will laugh at the whole ridiculousness of it. Hence the insistence to drop it -- so that you can see that there is nothing. If you go on clinging and clenching your fist, you will never be able to see that the fist is empty.
So try for these two days, mm?
[A group member says: I feel a lot of love for the group... it's just getting better all the time.]
Very good, mm?
It is very easy to feel love in a group because everybody is so loving, and everybody is giving so much, sharing. It comes easy to feel love. The problem arises where everybody is closed, uptight, non-giving, not open. And that's how society is.
Everybody is closed. Not that they don't want to love. They are hankering for it. They are waiting for somebody to come and break their ice, but they are waiting... others are also waiting. Everybody is closed in his own monad-like life... windowless... waiting for somebody, a messiah, to come and open them. But nobody comes, because others are afraid that if they go, you may reject them. There is every possibility.
Your closedness gives the feeling that you will reject, so nobody comes close... everybody is defensive. And it is the same with you: you are afraid to go with, or to mix with anybody, because who knows -- he may reject you. It is better to be closed than to be hurt and rejected.
So
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