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to be its death.
The mind's death is your life, and the mind's life is your death. So the mind protects itself. It has its own vested interests; it has many investments. Of course, up to now it has been living in the world and it has done much business, so it is an established thing. Now you are trying to rebel against it. All meditations are a rebellion against the mind.
As no established order will allow rebellion easily, neither will the mind. It is just as if in a society there is some trouble and somebody tries to go against the rules and the game. The police and the judge, and the law and the courts, and imprisonment, are all there to prevent it. The status quo becomes afraid... this cannot be allowed.
The mind is the establishment, the status quo. And once you start thinking in terms of meditation, you are becoming rebellious. So the mind will create all sorts of trouble -- it is natural .
Just do a few things. One: do a few groups -- which I think will be immediately helpful. You are giving in, and if you miss this opportunity, the mind will overpower you and you will be again back in the prison. You have tried to come out of it just a little... you are just on the threshold.
And you have to continue the meditations that you feel are difficult. The mind has not to be allowed anything. For a few days become an ascetic. Be a warrior, a fighter. Then I will tell you to relax. Once the mind knows that you are not going to listen to it, it flops. It just has to come to the understanding that this man is not going to listen, so what is the point?
[A sannyasin says: I feel that so much is coming in in the meditations... my whole life is coming through me.
... I feel it's getting tighter and tighter (holding onto her belly), but I can't let go, because there's nothing to let go of.]
I understand. There is not much to come out, but there is something very basic there which has to come out . it is not much. Once it comes out you will feel totally relaxed. Then let-go will become possible.
So when there are many things it seems easier for a person to bring them out -- because there are so many things, so
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