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die as an individual is to live forever in the universal. To die as a drop is to become the ocean.
You are very close to the point where it can happen: just great courage is needed. Every person comes around this corner many times in life, because life moves in a circle and again and again we come to the same point, but because of lack of courage we escape from that point. Otherwise the ego is a falsity. In fact, to let it die should be the easiest thing and to keep it alive should be the hardest thing, but we keep it alive and we think it is easier. But it is a dream; it is just an idea, it has no facticity behind it.
'I' is an empty word: there is no one behind it. The deeper you search, the more you will know that there is nobody behind it, there is no substance in it. But we cling to it, and by our clinging we give life to it. Let me say it in this way: the less you live, the more alive the ego becomes; the more you live, the less the ego lives. When you live totally, the ego disappears. When the ego lives totally, you disappear.
And there are moments, a few moments, far and few between, when sometimes it disappears because you are in such a total drunkenness. In love it sometimes happens; in orgasm it sometimes happens. In deep orgasm your history disappears, your past goes on receding, receding, and disappears. You don't have any history in orgasm,, you don't have any past, you don't have any mind, you don't have any autobiography. You are utterly herenow. You don't know who you are, you don't have any identity. In that moment the ego is not functioning, and hence the joy of orgasm, hence the refreshing quality of it, the rejuvenation of it. That's why it leaves you so silent, so quiet, so relaxed, so fulfilled. But again the ego comes in, the past enters, encroaches on the present. Again history starts functioning and you stop functioning. The ego is your history, it is not a reality. And this is your enemy, the ego is the enemy.
I will help the ego to die. you just have to be courageous, because whenever those moments come on feels scared, one feels as if one is being absorbed into some abysmal, unknown phenomenon. One shrinks
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