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you want to go outside, you can; if she wants to go, she can. That will be helpful for your living together. It will create more intimacy. If you can understand, casual affairs always create more intimacy; if you don't understand then your marriage is finished. A real marriage knows how to use even those casual affairs for the benefit of the marriage.
So be true, be loving, and whenever you feel, be free and let her be free. When love can join hands with freedom it has great beauty, in fact only then is it beautiful; otherwise it is ugly, it is nauseating. Very good; continue.
But for your negativity, start working it out personally, mm? don't throw it on your colleagues. And once in a while call them all. If they have something to say, listen to them, like a wise man!
[The sannyasin asks: What about the people above me, the ones I have to surrender to?]
You have to surrender totally. You have to do the same; yes, you have to do the same. And soon they will be also asking and calling you -- just wait. Things are getting together, mm? Good.
[A sannyasin says: The man who committed suicide, (see The Sun Behind The Sun Behind The Sun) was a very close friend of mine, he lived with me. I was very shocked and I was very angry, and now when I think about him with love, that's when I really feel sad.]
I understand. There are many implications in it. A suicide brings up many things; many things surface in those who had been in love with the person who has committed suicide. The first thing: it reminds them of the fragility of life, of one's utter helplessness, of life's arbitrariness. Life starts looking more like an accident, and that stirs up much anxiety. One can feel angry because the person who has committed suicide has created so much anxiety in you about your own life, about your own being, about your own meaning. What meaning is there? And there seems to be no protection: in a single moment of madness one can commit suicide. [He] has committed suicide: you can do it, anybody can; you start feeling afraid of yourself. If it can happen to [him], why not to you? Just a moment before he was as perfectly normal as you are and
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