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with; I can see.
Just come close. Close your eyes and go wild. Let the energy possess you, and whatsoever starts happening, allow -- trembling, shaking....
Very good. Things are going great. Don't be nervous at all, mm?
From today allow the energy, and if somebody has to be nervous, it is [your boyfriend]; you need not be! If next time some problem arises, he will come -- you need not. Just go into it, and it will be a great release. Don't hold it and soon it will settle, it will not always be so wild. It is wild because you have been repressing it. Soon it will settle, it will come to a balance, and then the nervousness will not be there.
It is a vicious circle: you feel nervous, you repress energy; you repress energy and that repressed energy creates more trembling inside you so you feel more nervous; you feel more nervous, you repress more. And so on, so forth, it goes on and on: the more you repress, the more nervous you will feel; the more nervous you feel, the more you will repress.
You have to break through, out of this vicious circle. Just take a jump. No need to repress. Tonight, go wild... right? Good!
[A sannyasin says: I'm feeling stronger in some ways, stronger in myself, but at the same time I feel vulnerable, weaker than other people, and I'm very frightened.]
Mm mm mm, that's how it is: when you are really vulnerable you feel stronger, not weaker. If you are stronger, you will feel vulnerable. Only a weak person remains closed out of fear. A strong person is open, open to all: open to death, open to all kinds of winds, open to light and darkness, to the friend and to the foe. A strong man is open, vulnerable, and a vulnerable man is strong. If vulnerability brings the idea of weakness, then it is not vulnerability; you are thinking of weakness as vulnerability. They look alike but they are not. A weak person cannot be vulnerable, that is impossible: the weak cannot afford it. It is a great luxury to be vulnerable.
So you are absolutely on the right track. As your strength grows so will your vulnerability; as your vulnerability grows so will your strength. At the highest peak of strength one
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