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whether you feel like it or not, it has to be done so that it becomes an inbuilt programme in the body.
There is no need to do many yoga asanas; just two, three or four. Whatsoever makes you feel good, you can choose.
[Another sannyasin says: I'm going back to the West and I'm afraid of not accepting you there. Even here I don't understand fully... I want to keep flowering when I leave here.]
Your problem is deeper. It is not only of fear. It is more of doubt, more of non-trust.
Fear arises when you have trust -- then you are afraid of the situation back home and how you are going to face it. You are not afraid of the situation back home -- you are afraid of your own doubting mind. [The previous sannyasin's] problem is totally different. She has total trust. Her problem is not of doubt or anything. She is afraid of how to face the world and the old situation there.
You are not afraid of that. You are afraid of yourself.
This has to be understood: you cannot trust me if you don't trust yourself. The doubt is not against me. The doubt is against yourself. You don't love yourself... you don't trust yourself. Whatsoever you do, a basic mistrust continues to be there. Because you cannot trust yourself, how can you trust your trust? Impossible. If you don't love yourself, how can you love somebody? The basic thing is lacking somewhere.
But if you are aware, much can be done. Doubt enters in the mind only when you are in a sort of a slumber, sleep. Doubt enters only when there is a darkness inside. They have an affinity -- darkness and doubt. If there is a little light inside, doubt is not, and cannot enter there.
So it is good that you are feeling a little alertness that you may betray yourself. So do one thing -- decide something. Decision helps, because once you have decided something and the doubt comes, you have somewhere to stand upon. If you don't have any decision and doubt comes, it takes you over; you don't have any shelter. It is just like it is raining and you have a small hut. You can go inside. Let it rain -- you remain untouched.
So make a decision that for six months, whatsoever happens, you
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