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to pay you back. You love to be a mother, and you should be grateful to the child.
But the older generation was not grateful to the child. They were always hoping that the child would be very very grateful, and when they found that the child was not grateful, they were very much frustrated.
Now you have moved to the other extreme. This is what can happen through primal and other things. Now you think that you are doing harm to the child. Your mother was thinking she is doing good, and then she did harm. Now you are thinking you are doing harm to the child. Just think -- even thinking she was doing good, harm happened through your mother, and now you are thinking that you are doing harm to the child. What is going to happen?
Just be natural -- these extremist points are not good. In the old times children use to be afraid of the parents, now the parents are afraid of the children -- but fear remains! The wheel has moved, but it is the same fear; whether from this side or from that side. Fear has not disappeared; and a relationship can exist only when there is no fear. Love is possible only when there is no fear.
If the child is afraid of the parent, love is not possible. If the parent is afraid of the child, love is not possible. How can you love in fear? Now you are afraid of the child -- that some harm may happen, that you may do something wrong. You will become so self-conscious about it -- so much so that you will do harm, because you will lose all naturalness and all spontaneity.
Just try to be a human being. Don't try to be an idealist and don't try to be a perfectionist. All perfectionistic people are neurotic. A sane person is never a perfectionist. Whatsoever he can do, he does, and then it is finished. So simply be yourself.
And one thing for you and for every body else here: the relationship between the child and the mother is such that it can never be perfect -- it is impossible. Some problem will always be there. You change one problem, another will arise, because the very relationship is such.
The child is helpless, the child has no individuality yet. The mother has an individuality. She is not dependent
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