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listen to your heart. If you feel like hugging, hug. Sometimes you feel like hitting the child, hit. And don't be worried that some great psychoalanyst says not to hit the child. Who is he to dominate you? From where does he get the authority?
Sometimes it is good to be angry. The child has to learn that his or her mother is a human being and that she can be angry too. And if you are angry, the child feels also free to be angry. If you are never angry, the child feels guilty. How to be angry with a mother who is always so sweet?
Mothers have tried to be so sweet that their whole taste is lost -- they become like saccharine... they create an artificial diabetes. Don't be just sweet -- sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet as the mood arises. And let the child know that the mother has her own moods and climates -- she is a human being just as he is. And the child will see that if the mother can be angry, he can also be angry. And it is good. Yes, sometimes not to be okay is good. So drop this, mm?
[The enlightenment intensive group was present. One member says: It was the question of 'Who am I?' which was very agonising to me.]
It is agonising, because if you go deep into it, it creates the greatest ecstasy possible... but the way to ecstasy goes through agony. It is agonising because the moment you ask, 'Who am I?' you become aware that you don't know. Not knowing is very agonising, it hurts the ego: 'So I don't know even myself?' This is too much. 'I was always thinking I know everything, and I don't know even myself.'
This is unacceptable to the ego. The ego feeds on knowledge, information -- and this is very very sad: what else to claim you know if you don't know yourself? What is the point of claiming that you know anything else? The foundation -- that you know yourself -- is lacking.
The question 'Who am I?' is meant to bring you to your right senses.... It is to hit you hard so that you become aware that you don't know yourself. That is the agony of it -- as if you had much, and the question has taken it away from you. You used to think you are this and you are that -- and this simple question has taken all identities away.
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