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be very good, mm? Good!
[Another group member says he feels confused: in meditation he has glimpses of bliss, but his personality gets more monstrous: I've experienced this before, and this is what bothers me -- it seems like I've confronted this before.]
I think one or two groups more, mm? Things are surfacing -- that's why you are feeling so much. They will disappear.
... One has to confront many things many times. Because life is really not so simple -- it is very complex. There are layers and layers and layers. And one has to confront the same things many times -- on different layers, but the same thing. Sometimes it happens that you will see that the ego has disappeared. And on another layer, digging deep, it is there again, in a subtle form -- but it is the same problem. Again it disappears; work, and it disappears. Again one day suddenly you find, on another layer, it is still there. The work has to continue.
Actually there are almost seven layers to each problem that one carries, because these are the seven layers of the mind itself, so those problems are reflected in all the layers and joined together.
Do a few groups more, and don't be worried Mm? There is nothing to be worried about.
[A sannyasin, who had been admitted to hospital with para-typhoid the day after his initiation, is leaving for the west. He says: I learned so much in just being here... and it's crazy, because... I wasn't here (laughing). But it all seems to happen when it's supposed to happen.]
My observation is that it happens to many people after sannyas. They immediately fall ill -- and it has something to do with sannyas. The very idea of dropping your past identity -- the very idea of getting out of your past, moving in a discontinuous way -- disturbs the whole body. The whole being is uprooted... because the past is our grounding. And becoming a sannyasin, taking some new path, not knowing where you are going and what is going to happen, is crazy. It is not sensible at all.
Sannyas is not sensible at all. It is irrational. It is almost like falling in love. Mm? one is afraid, and still one is pulled in. It disturbs the whole
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