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It disturbs the whole body, the whole mind. And. the body has to readjust to it. Fever, diarrhoea -- things like that -- are almost common after sannyas.... And then the mind goes in a great negative darkness. The mind struggles hard to keep contact with the past because the mind is the past! And the mind creates a thousand and one new problems.
It will say, 'What are you doing here...? Have you gone mad or what? What are you doing here? For what have you become a sannyasin? What is going to happen here? Nothing is going to happen here -- go home! You have fallen ill -- that's all that you have got and you are suffering, and it is not fun!' The mind will create all the negativities -- that too is a part of it.
Once that negativity has passed, once the body has settled, a totally new kind of positivity arises in which sannyas is just a gesture... in which sannyas is not a commitment... in which sannyas is not felt as if you are imprisoned in something -- rather, you are freed of something. But that positivity comes only when one has passed through the dark night -- and you have passed through the dark night.
If you want to go home, you can, but my suggestion is that this will be the right moment to be here. If you can be here for a few days in this positivity, much more will become possible. You can go, but immediately the moment you reach home you will start repenting -- 'Why have I come back? Why could not I have stayed there?'
It is up to you. I am not saying stay here, mm? I am not saying that. But you have passed the dark point, and now is the time to cut the crop. Now something more is possible. Now you will be more in tune with me, because that which was a barrier between me and you has dropped from the body, and you have passed through that negativity; it is settling. It will settle -- it will take a few days more, but it will settle completely. And when it is settled, you will have a very new feeling of your being -- just as one comes out of the bath, feeling very fresh and young. That moment is going to come any day.
So I will not insist that you stay, mm? because I never insist for anything. Any insistence becomes a bondage.
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