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and it is not, so you are sick of it. You are angry at the mirror -- you would like to break it -- but breaking the mirror is not going to help.
One has to become so mature that one can absorb the bad part with the good; can create an integrity, a crystallisation in which the bad and good both meet together, lose their oppositeness, befriend each other -- and then life is richer.
A good man is not a rich man. A bad man is also not very rich, because both lack the other. A really rich man is almost like a rascal-saint.
That's what Allan Watts writes about George Gurdjieff -- that he was a rascal-saint.... That's true. A real saint is bound to be a rascal too. If he is just a saint, he is just sugar. If you take too much of a saint who is just sugar, he will create diabetes. A real person is both! He can be very loving and he can be very hard. He can be very innocent, and he can be very intelligent. He can be very very free, and he can be very very responsible. He can be very open, vulnerable like a flower, but there are moments when he can become closed like a rock. A real person has both the polarities.
The group simply shows you your reality. But I think you have a certain value system in your mind -- an idea of how you should be -- and whenever the bad part comes up, you cannot accept it.
You can drop out of the groups -- there is no need to do them if you are sick of them -- but make certain whether you are sick of the groups or sick of your own inner duality. If you are sick of your own inner duality, then groups will be helpful to integrate you.
And why are you so afraid of being analysed?
[She answers: I guess I don't like what I see.]
Yes, that's what I am saying -- you don't like what you see, but that's what is the case. So just by not seeing it, it will not dis-appear. Don't try to be an ostrich! Just by not seeing it, it will not disappear. But it can disappear if you really look into it deeply. If you want it to disappear; you will have to face it.
Facing is always very very hard, arduous, painful. Mm? It is as if you have taken the bandage off the wound and you look into it... it is sickening.
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