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You also have to be open -- I don't feel that you are open. That is creating the trouble. You also be open, and you will also feel attracted to men. It is natural. And if you don't feel attracted, that too is good. I'm not saying that you have to! Then maybe that is natural to you. Every-body is so different that there can be no golden rule for everybody.
But be open, and try openness, because openness is far more important than your love, and if openness is dropped, everything is dropped. Even love will disappear -- it will not prove of much help. But if openness is there, only then can love grow in it. Openness gives the space for the love to grow.
It is going to be difficult... challenging. It is not going to be all roses. But nobody is saying that it is all roses. Love is a difficult situation, and everybody needs to pass through it. So keep open, and continue, mm? And whatsoever happens, just say it, express it. If you are feeling sad, be sad! What can you do? If he cannot do anything, then what can you do? If you cannot do anything, then what can he do? If you accept him, he accepts you... and he accepts you as you are; you accept him as he is.
This is the way it should be here with my sannyasins. Otherwise you can get married to him and have a christian marriage and be happy ever afterwards. Mm?
So don't kill it. Let it remain open. If it exists, good! If it disappears, that too is good -- but let it remain open.
[A sannyasin therapist says: The power that I have -- the beautiful power that I have -- becomes so unwillingly destructive. I don't want to have the compulsion to enter into things or become destructive towards.... ]
The problem, as I see it, is not as you see it. The problem is that you don't accept yourself. You can call it compulsion or you can call it something else -- but you don't accept yourself as you are. You want to improve yourself -- and there is the core of the problem.
Improvement is not possible. Improvement is a very false notion. It has never happened... it cannot happen. By the nature of things it is not possible. Nobody ever improves, because everyone is already that which one can
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