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Main Index
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is thrilled to receive the invitation, so he gets Cardinal Catzass to pack their bags, and they fly off to India.
Their first day is spent touring Mother Teresa's Bleeding Hearts Home, blessing all the half-dead Christian converts.
The next morning, the two Catholic cowboys from Rome go out into the streets of Calcutta, to wave at the crowds of starving Hindus. But all day long, Pope the Polack has been acting very strangely.
Cardinal Catzass is worried about the old Polack and asks him, "Your Holiness, what is the matter?"
"Listen," says the old fruitcake, "as soon as we get back to that Bleeding Hearts Home, the first thing I want to do is rip off Mother Teresa's knickers!"
"Really?" replies the shocked cardinal. "Why do you want to do that?"
"Because," says the pope with a groan, "they are much too tight for me!"
"How much for a roast beef sandwich?" asks Little Feenie Finkelstein, standing in Chicken Chopper's Sandwich Shop.
"Two dollars," replies Chicken Chopper, from behind the counter.
"How much for a cheese sandwich?" asks the little Jew.
"One dollar," replies Chicken.
"What about a ham sandwich?" asks Feenie. But before Chicken Chopper can reply there is a loud clap of thunder in the sky overhead.
Feenie Finkelstein falls to his knees, looks up at the sky and prays out loud, "Okay! Okay! -- I was only asking!"
Dimmel Himmel, a nice Jewish boy from Berlin, goes to live in America to make his fortune, and ends up in L.A., California.
After a few years, he comes back to Berlin to visit his old mother, Mrs. Hattie Himmel. He walks through the door in his stone-washed Levi jeans, alligator tennis shirt, and Reebok sneakers.
"Oy, veh!" cries Mamma Himmel, "but where are your beautiful long whiskers?"
"Ah, Mamma!" replies Dimmel. "Nobody wears a beard in L.A."
"Oy, my baby!" cries Hettie Himmel. "But tell me, you have at least been keeping the Sabbath?"
"Look, Mamma," says Himmel. "Business is business! In America, people work on the Sabbath."
"Ah, God!" cries Mamma Himmel. "But kosher food you still eat?"
"Listen, Mamma,"
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