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wants to explode, but you are holding it. Unless you release it, you will feel many troubles. Once you release it, you will be free of many troubles. Once you release it, it will take all garbage away from you.
So that's why I give you the name deva salila. You have to remember that you have to become a river -- flowing, always flow-ing. Unless you come to dissolve into an ocean, don't stop: No other place is your goal. Go on farther and farther. One has to reach to the ocean where all boundaries dissolve. But you are holding it hard, and if you hold you create conflict. You create a contradiction in your being.
The energy wants to ga out and you want to pull it in. In this conflict, anxiety arises. And if this conflict continues for long, you create blocks. Then to hold becomes an unconscious habit. The energy is ready and there is not much of a problem. If you don't try to hold it, it will start flowing. I don't see any other block except that you are holding it. So do some groups and don't hold at all... just be completely flowing. Don't be miserly about it.
Many people are so miserly about energy that it is unbelievable why they are so miserly. From the very beginning every child is taught to be miserly. The mathematics of life is that the more you spend your energy, the more energy you get. The less you spend. you less you get, because there is no need. If you don't spend at all. you don't get at all. Then the old energy remains like a stagnant dead thing, and it becomes by and by poisonous. Energy has to be fresh, continuously fresh.
I can see it... every pore of your body needs flow. So in these five weeks that you will be here, dance, sing, relate with people. meet, have contacts, love. In these five weeks completely forget your old habit of holding. Here, things are allowed. Even if you are standing and trembling, nobody is going to say that you are mad or something, gone crazy.
There are greater crazy people here than you, so you need not be worried!
[A sannyasin says: I'm sitting here and thinking just so many things to say to you -- (my wife) gone, feeling alone -- and it all seems nonsense.]
Mm, that's
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