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because that pain will help you not to commit the same mistake again. That pain will help you to grow more understanding, to find new techniques, new ways to help the person. That will become a creative process.
When you fail you have to see why you have failed. Don't try to dull that pain of failure.... And don't call it dependence; it has nothing to do with dependence. When a painter succeeds he feels joy! When he fails he feels sad; this is how it should be. It has nothing to do with dependence: you are simply in love with your work.
So the first thing is: not to avoid involvement. Get involved, really involved, and the more you get involved, the less will be the possibilities of failure. Because are really involved therapist is bound to transform the energy of the patient; there is no way the patient can avoid or escape. If he escapes from one door you attack him from another door, you corner him somewhere.
And basically he is with you. Superficially he may defend and he may try to prove that you have failed. Superficially he will cling to his illness. Everybody clings to his misery; that's why he will do all that he can do superficially so that you don't succeed. Every patient protects and defends, but that's how you learn the art of his defensiveness and how you find ways and means to destroy that defensiveness.... But deep down he is with you because he wants to be healthy, he wants to be whole; he wants to attain a well-being otherwise he would not have come in the first place!
He is split, that is true; he has two layers. Deep down he wants to become healthy; he is tired of the way he is but up to now he has lived that way. That way has become his very style, that has become part of his ego, so he will not be easily available... although he wants to be, mm?
See the dichotomy of the human mind: although he wants to be cured, he wants well-being, he wants a new way of life, he wants to tackle his problems in a new light and with a new consciousness -- all that he wants, that's why he has come to you -- the moment you start hammering on his armour he starts shrinking and protecting because that armour is also his. His deep
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