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only then I can say it. Those three and a half years prepared you, and now you can see the difference between the way I am speaking now and the way I was speaking three and a half years before. As you mature, as you graduate, I can tell you more naked truths, trusting that you will be able to understand them.
So the problem was, I knew that if I start speaking, then Sheela's swollen head will start shrinking, and that will be difficult. I was perfectly aware the day I started speaking, she started becoming sad; and slowly slowly she started being away from Rajneeshpuram, finding excuses that she is needed in Australia, she is needed in Europe. She was never needed before.
And this time when she came, she wrote a letter to me, "Beloved Master, I do not feel the same excitement here. I feel happier in Europe, in Australia, anywhere else." But she did not look why.
I sent a message to her that, "See the point. Where has the excitement gone? The excitement was not being with me, with the commune, creating a new way of life, hoping for a new man to arrive. That was not your real excitement. Your real excitement was becoming a celebrity -- on the television, on the radio, in the magazines, in the newspapers. You enjoyed your name, your photograph; now this will not be possible. I am speaking myself. I am speaking to the whole world press. And certainly you cannot represent me."
I had to teach her everything for three and a half years, two hours every day -- what she has to say, what she has not to say. And she was repeating like a parrot, because it is not her experience. But she did well; as a parrot she was perfect.
But now, when I started speaking, she started feeling sad, gloomy. I sent the message, "You should look at the cause of it. The cause is your ego.
"Three and a half years is a long enough time to get a swollen head, and I am now bringing it back to its real position. It is sick. This swelling is more dangerous than any cancer, because the cancer can kill the body, but this swelling kills the mind and the very soul of man.
"And why are you feeling happy in Europe? If you want to check it, I can come to Europe,
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