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on any ground, without surrendering at all. But there are many things which can be avoided. In fact, ninety-nine percent of the problems which create fighting, argument, can be avoided.
The child asks you, "Daddy, can I go out and play?" and the immediate response of almost all daddies is "No!" Now the quarrel starts. And all children know how great your patience is. They will tramp their feet in front of you, they will go into a tantrum, they will cry, they will start throwing their toys, tearing their books. And then finally you will say, "Go OUT and play!" This you could have done before, you could have said yes, because there was nothing wrong. But somehow our whole upbringing is quarrelsome, argumentative.
The wife says, "We should go to this movie," and the husband immediately says, "No, that is not worth going to. We should go to another." And the husband knows perfectly well, the wife knows perfectly well, that when the wife has spoken she HAS spoken -- it has to be done. But now before it is to be done there will be a few hours' argumentation, nagging, and a thousand other things will come up which could have been avoided. And finally you will see the husband following the wife to the same movie, just hiding his tail between his legs, following the wife. Now you are going to the same movie, so what was the whole fuss about?
It seems we never learn anything. Just watch and you will be able to cut out many unessential things in your life. The word "desiderata" is beautiful: it means the essentials.
Mahavira has said that the most fundamental quality needed by the seeker is to know what is essential and what is non-essential. He calls it VIVEK -- discrimination -- because if you don't know what is essential and what is non-essential you may be lost into the non-essential, because the non-essential is ninety-nine percent and the essential is only one percent. The non-essential is a vast, thick jungle; once you get lost into it you may never find the essential. And people get in every way entangled with the non-essential.
Just watch how many things can be avoided without compromising, then avoid them; how many words can be
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