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and there are moments when there are again clouds and all clarity is gone. In the moments of clarity, you think you can say what is happening, but when those moments are gone you cannot recapture it. And the thing is so big that you can cry, or laugh, or dance -- but you cannot say.
That's why in Zen, when the master gives a koan to meditate upon, he waits for the disciple to someday come and act what he has experienced. If he keeps on coming and talking, whatsoever he says is rejected. Sometimes he has not said anything and the master says,'Don't say it; it is wrong' -- and he had not said anything! The master waits for the moment when the disciple will show it, not say it.
So whenever something real happens, you can show it, but you cannot say it. The next time when you feel, you can come and dance, or you can sing a song, or anything. Or you can just sit silently, not saying anything. I will understand. Just trying to find the words is always difficult: the word is so small, the experience so big. It cannot be confined to words.
But good. When something happens which you cannot say, very good.
[A group member says: I cried really deeply. I rejected at first that the past was still part of me, then I realised that it was, and I began feeling better. It has given me a lot of energy]
Much energy is wasted in fighting with oneself; in rejecting, in condemning. Much energy is wasted. If you start accepting yourself, you become a reservoir of energy because then the conflict ceases; then there is no civil war; then you are one piece. Much energy is preserved, and that overflowing energy is creativity. A person who is in conflict with himself can never be creative. He is destructive, he is destroying himself, and through himself he will destroy others also. All his relationships will be poisoned.
The most basic and the most fundamental commandment is to love oneself. I don't say only accept, because that word is not enough -- you can accept and you may not love. You may accept, because what can be done? -- you are in a deep helplessness, but that is not acceptance. Unless you accept yourself as a blessing, unless you accept
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