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men at the age of fourteen -- and they will be married perhaps ten years afterwards or twelve years afterwards. These twelve years have created girlfriends and boyfriends.
It is a great opportunity for the future to understand the whole phenomenon and its psychology. You have the choice to change the old habits, to create trouble but drop old habits. Every man needs to be aware of many women. Every woman needs the experience of many other men before deciding to marry. Their experience will help them to find the right person with whom they can melt and merge without any difficulty.
Anand Veetkam, "Meanwhile," you are saying, "I observed in me this destructive energy and I felt that I somehow enjoyed it." Everybody has destructive energy, because energy, if left to itself, is bound to be destructive -- unless it is used with awareness and becomes creative.
But the most important thing that you are saying is that, "Somehow I enjoyed it." Then how are you going to change it? With anything that you enjoy you are bound to remain on the same level; you cannot change it, because you may not enjoy the change. And all this has come to your mind only because your girlfriend told you that you are "a little boring, not very juicy, very dependent and a victim."
You have energy. To enjoy destructive energy is suicidal, to enjoy destructive energy as destructive is in the service of death. If you are aware of it you have to go through a transformation. Use your energy creatively, perhaps that will make you less boring, more juicy, less dependent, less of a victim.
And the most important part will be that you will not feel guilty and depressed. No creative person feels depressed and guilty. His participation in the universe by his creative actions makes him tremendously fulfilled and gives him dignity. That is the very birthright of every man, but very few people claim it.
Moreover, this big No will become a big Yes if the energy moves into creative dimensions. And there is no difficulty, it is so easy to use energy in creative fields. Paint, do gardening, grow flowers, write poetry, learn music, dance. Learn anything that changes your destructive
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