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because if she is absent even for one evening -- and I know she has this trouble of migraine for years -- somebody else has to take her place. But just to take her place for one day is dangerous. The taste of it, and then one starts thinking, "Why should I not continue?" It is almost as if you are made the king for one day. It will be difficult for your whole life.
So first she freaked out because I still addressed Maneesha, care of Anando. I could see her face and I could see her response. She did not like it, she wanted to be addressed directly. But I knew it was better to be "care of," because tomorrow she would be gone. The same trouble happened with Vimal. For a few days he was sitting with almost tears in his eyes. Once he has tasted the joy of asking me the questions, and then he has to give back the place, his kingdom is taken away. Now he has come back to his right mind. I did not want to disturb him again. That's why I ask Anando.
And I have my own ways of working. In every way I try to find out some secret which needs to be revealed to the person. Anando may not be aware that she is never nice to anybody who is nice to her. She becomes nasty. It is her wrong upbringing from her childhood that she has carried. Secondly, she is never happy to receive anything. It needs courage. Perhaps you may not be aware. One loves to give, because by giving you are higher, but one has to learn to receive. At least when you are sitting at the feet of your master, you have to learn to receive. It hurts the ego that you are on the receiving end, not on the giving end.
I wanted to see how she would receive it. She missed the point. First she freaked out about Maneesha's question, because she thought that Maneesha had indicated in it, that the horse came a little early and disturbed my speech. Because she was one half of the horse, she thought Maneesha was trying to raise the question again before the whole assembly, although there was no question of Maneesha raising it.
Maneesha was asking something else. She was trying to inquire about me, what my response was to this suddenness. That's why Avirbhava was not disturbed. She was the main part
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