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I feel guilty. And if I act, then I cannot act adequately, and frustration is bound to follow.
So I say you have not to commit yourself to any decision, and you will be free. Let each act, each moment, come to you, and let your total being decide... in that moment. Let the decision come as the act happens. Never let it precede the act, then the act can never be total.
One should know that when you decide beforehand you decide intellectually. Your total being can never be in it, because the moment has not come. If I love someone, and I decide that when I meet him or her I will act this way, I will say this thing, I will do this and will not do that, this can only be intellectual, mental. This can never be total, because the moment has not arrived. The total being has not been challenged, so how can the total being act?
And when I have decided beforehand and the moment comes, the total being will not be able to act because the decision will be there. So I will only imitate, follow, copy, the preceding. I will be the false man. I will not be real because I will not be total. I will have a blueprint to act; I will act according to it. Again this will be a mental act, not with your total being. So either you succeed or you fail, yet in both cases you have failed because the total being could not be in it. You will not feel love.
So let the moment come, let the moment challenge you, and let your total being act. Then the act is total. Then your total being comes to act. Then you are totally in it! And the best that is possible will come out of this totalness and never out of the decisions. So sannyas means living moment to moment with no commitments of the past.
If I give you a mala and if I give you a robe, this is only for your remembrance, that now you have not to decide. It is only to make you remember that you are not the old. When this awareness becomes so deep that you do not need to remember it, then throw the robe, then throw the mala. If it comes to you to throw it, do not make it a decision, do not make it a commitment to me. If it comes to you, then throw them, but not unless the awareness has become so deep that even in
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