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George Bush go hiking together in the Montana mountains. They have been walking all day, discussing the forthcoming presidential election, and Ronald is giving George lots of advice about how to wear his make-up and look good on TV.
Suddenly they look up and see a huge grizzly bear coming over the hill towards them. Immediately, Bush reaches into his pack and pulls out a pair of running shoes. Then he starts taking off his hiking boots, and putting on the sneakers.
"Hey," says Ronald, nervously. "You don't think you can outrun that grizzly bear, do you?"
"I don't have to," says Bush, with a grin. "I just have to outrun you!"
Kowalski is returning home from a morning's hunting, with his shotgun in one hand and his hunting bag slung over his shoulder.
His friend, Slobovski, sees him across the road and calls out, "Hi, Kowalski! Been hunting?"
"That's right," replies Kowalski. "Been hunting ducks."
"Far out!" says Slobovski. "How many did you get?"
"Well," replies Kowalski, "if you can guess how many ducks I've got in my bag -- I'll give you them both!"
"Ah!" says Slobovski, scratching his head. "Three?"
Harry and Harriet are a very devoutly religious couple. They observe all the Christian religious festivals by remaining strictly celibate until the festival is over.
During Lent, which lasts for a whole month, they decide to give up sex. They are especially careful -- they even sleep in separate rooms, to make sure they won't be tempted.
Lent finishes at six o'clock in the morning on Sunday, and sure enough, at exactly six o'clock, Harriet hears a sharp knocking on her bedroom door.
"Is that you, Harry?" asks Harriet.
"Yes!" he cries. "This is your ever-loving husband!"
"Ah, Harry!" giggles Harriet. "I know why you are knocking!"
"You know why I am knocking!" cries Harry, "but you should see with what!"
... This joke was given to me; somebody must have made it up. And when Nirvano told me about the joke, the person had made it a Jaina couple. The husband's name was Halvabhai and the wife's name was Mevabhai. And the Jainas have a religious festival,
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