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Now, Billy Wilson, who lives two miles away, is always on time."
"There is nothing funny about it," said Nasrudin.
"IF BILLY IS LATE IN THE MORNING, HE CAN HURRY, BUT IF I AM LATE, I AM HERE."
62.
The boss told Mulla Nasrudin that if he could not get to work on time, he would be fired. So the Mulla went to the doctor, who gave him a pill. The Mulla took the pill, slept well, and was awake before he heard the alarm clock. He dressed and ate breakfast leisurely.
Later he strolled into the office, arriving half an hour before his boss. When the boss came in, the Mulla said:
"Well, I didn't have any trouble getting up this morning."
"THAT'S GOOD," said Mulla Nasrudin's boss, "BUT WHERE WERE YOU YESTERDAY?"
63.
Mulla Nasrudin had a house on the United States-Canadian border. No one knew whether the house was in the United States or Canada. It was decided to appoint a committee to solve the problem.
After deciding it was in the United States, Mulla Nasrudin leaped with joy. "HURRAH!" he shouted, "NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER FROM THOSE TERRIBLE CANADIAN WINTERS!"
64.
"Mulla," said a friend, "I have been reading all those reports about cigarettes. Do you really think that cigarette smoking will shorten your days?"
"I CERTAINLY DO," said Mulla Nasrudin. I TRIED TO STOP SMOKING LAST SUMMER AND EACH OF MY DAYS SEEMED AS LONG AS A MONTH."
65.
Mulla Nasrudin had been pulled from the river in what the police suspected was a suicide attempt. When they were questioning him at headquarters, he admitted that he had tried to kill himself. This is the story he told:
"Yes, I tried to kill myself. The world is against me and I wanted to end it all. I was determined not to do a halfway job of it, so I bought a piece of rope, some matches, some kerosene, and a pistol. Just in case none of those worked, I went down by the river. I threw the rope over a limb hanging out over the water, tied that rope around my neck, poured kerosene all over myself and lit that match. I jumped off the river and put that pistol to my head and pulled the trigger. And guess what happened? I missed.
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