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FEAR-ORIENTATED.
BUT IN PRIVATE LIFE, HOW TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN RESISTANCE AND HEALTHY REBELLION, BETWEEN SURRENDER AND RESIGNATION? THE PITFALLS OF MY HABITUAL UNCONSCIOUS STUBBORNNESS MAKE ME SUSPICIOUS OF MY IMPERCEPTIBLE FALSE YES AND NO.
BELOVED MASTER, IS THERE ANY SIMPLE TEST? IS IT AUTHENTIC WHEN IT JUST FEELS GOOD?
Deva Varda, when you feel something authentic then you can stand against the whole world. But the authenticity should not be another name of your ego. Nobody else can make it clear, you know it.
When it is ego, you know perfectly well that your desire is to be somebody special. And when it is an authentic truth, you also know that it has nothing to do with your personality, with your ego. You are not going to gain anything out of it except a tremendous joy.
Let joy be the criterion.
As far as I am concerned, neither your yes means anything to me nor your no means anything to me. You are so asleep that in your sleep whether you say yes or you say no, does not matter. Whatever you say, I am going to pour a bucket of cold water on your head.
Your yes and no are not important.
Your awakening is important.
And out of your awakening whatever happens is right. The moment you are alert, awake, conscious, your revolt and your surrender are not two different things.
It is the unconscious mind which either wants to surrender to avoid unnecessary trouble of revolting -- cheap surrender -- or it wants to revolt because it does not want to lose its ego. Those are by-products. My insistence is not on by-products.
My insistence is on a single thing....
I call it witnessing.
Be aware, and if your awareness leads you to surrender, it is perfectly beautiful. And if your awareness leads you to revolt, that's how it should be. It will be difficult for you to understand that surrender is the greatest revolt. Revolt against the ego, revolt against your conditioning. But it should not be imposed on you that you surrender.
Here, nobody is interested in your surrender. What will we do with your surrender? I don't see any use of it. And nobody is interested in your revolt.
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