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not one; the rhythm of your heart is not one. You live together, you have to live together because you are not capable of living alone. To you, aloneness appears as loneliness, despair -- as if you are deserted, abandoned.
You don't know that aloneness is not loneliness. Aloneness is the highest peak of consciousness. And when love is alone, unaddressed, or addressed in all directions, then it becomes a paradise.
But we have to learn step by step, we have to fall and we have to rise. If your love for your boyfriend deepens only when I am not coming out, I will not come out. Because I will not commit that kind of sin -- destroying poor Nandan's love. When I come out she becomes enlightened -- and enlightened women don't have boyfriends. It is an idiotic idea. Why? Enlightened women should have enlightened boyfriends, so rather than deserting the poor boy... help him to be enlightened so I can also come out. Because if I don't come out... you see all these people... they will kill you, you and your boyfriend -- both.
So, change your strategy. I am not against your love, I am absolutely for it. Love deeply, love without jealousy, love blissfully and help each other to be more meditative. Because what else can we do and what can we share? Man is born naked without anything. Love should be the beginning of sharing something -- not all that rubbish that Dale Carnegie is suggesting.
The only sharing is of silence, joy, celebration. Slowly, slowly your hearts start melting and merging into each other. Your love becomes a spiritual phenomenon. And your love helps you to come closer to the master, because the master is not separating you, but joining you.
It is an ugly fact, that even people like Gautam Buddha or Mahavira insisted on renouncing your wives, your husbands, your children. Nobody even talks about how many people -- millions must be the number in twenty-five centuries -- have been deserted, and for wrong reasons people have become sannyasins. It was the easiest divorce and very respectable: you don't have to go to the registrar's office, and you don't have to be condemned by the society.
On the contrary, if you renounce
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