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to many children: parents give attention only when they are a nuisance. If everything is going well they tend to forget about you. So children learn a very very wrong notion -- that if they want to have attention they have to be problematic. You have to become conscious of it and drop it, because I don't think that you have so many negativities as you bring. You cannot survive with so many negativities, so they are not all true; you exaggerate.
You have a kind of magnifying glass for the negative. So whenever there is a negative thing you magnify it and make it big, and when it is big you feel very good: something is happening! And you do just the reverse with your positive feelings. They are also there but you never even look at them. You count the thorns and you never look at the flowers. You have beautiful flowers blooming in your being but you have become completely oblivious to them.
Your interest is in the thorn, something that hurts. You have to learn that this attitude will make you more and more miserable. Stop magnifying the negative. Start looking more to the positive. And even if there are ninety-nine thorns, they are not more important than one flower. One flower is so important that ninety-nine thorns can be tolerated for it. But your logic is upside-down. Your logic is such that even for one thorn you are ready to sacrifice ninety-nine flowers. You become interested in the thorn and you say 'Why this thorn?' and you are ready to sacrifice all the flowers. But now the time has come that you should take an about-turn, and only you can take it. I can say -- you have to take it.
For six months, never bring any negative thing to me, and always bring something positive. Find something! Let us see whether you can find anything positive or not. So whenever you come, find something... and I am not saying to invent, no -- discover! If you cannot find you can simply say 'I could not find anything positive.' This is going to be the work for six months. The negative has not to be talked about. You have talked about it already and I have known all the negative points in you. I am perfectly aware of them.
For six months go on looking
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