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tried that," said the farmer, "but by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out it is no use."
The doctor thought for a minute. "Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning, and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are."
A few weeks later the two men met on the street.
"How did it work?" asked the doctor.
"Fine... the first three days," said the farmer, "then the hunting season opened and I haven't seen her since."
Giuseppe, an immigrant to the United States works very hard his whole life and finally makes it to his sixty-fifth birthday when he can apply for benefits. He goes down to the Social Security office to apply, but when he gets there the girl behind the desk tells him that he must bring his birth certificate to prove his age.
He does not have a birth certificate so, dejected, he goes home. Suddenly, he gets an idea and rushes back to the office. He sees the girl, runs over to her and pulls open his shirt to display his grey hair.
'You must be sixty-five," she says, "with all that grey hair on your chest!"
Giuseppe is very pleased and rushes home to tell his wife that he will receive the benefits.
"How-a did-a you get-ta it?" asks Maria.
"I opened my shirt-a like this-a and showed her all-a my grey hair!"
"You idiot-a! You blew-a it!" screams Maria. "You should-a have opened your trousers and-a applied-a for the disability pension!"
A man was attending a banquet held in his honor at the local Rotary Club. At the end of the supper he had to give a short speech. He was really nervous because he was not good at public speaking, so he asked his wife to pinch him every time he started bungling his speech.
Immediately after he had finished his ice cream, he got up from his chair and began, "Ladies and gentleman, I am overwhelmed, I shudder with emotion from top to bottom.... ouch!" his wife pinched him. He stopped talking and thought for a moment, then began again, "Sincerely, gentlemen, I feel emotional chills invading my soul.... ouch!" another pinch and a moment's consideration, then, "Seriously, gentlemen,
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