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past -- those dark nights of the soul that we have passed, but which are still dormant in our being.
This small consciousness that we have is not enough to fight with the nine times more powerful unconsciousness. That's why you decide one thing but you do something else. Perhaps you have never looked into the fact of your decision making -- small decisions, not of any great importance. You decide to wake up early in the morning at five o'clock, and even when you are deciding it, deep down you know it is not going to happen -- and it does not happen.
At five o'clock the alarm clock goes off, you pull your blanket over you, you start convincing yourself that it is too cold, too early, "I am still not fully satisfied with sleep. In fact, just now I was going deeper into sleep and this crazy alarm clock disturbed me. There is no hurry. Tomorrow I can wake up at five o'clock."
And this has been going on your whole life. There are millions of people who have never seen the beauty before the sun rises, the utter silence of the sky, the tremendous magnificence of the stars, the music of celestial silence. In fact, between four and six, when the sun rises, those two hours are perhaps the most peaceful, the most magnificent in your twenty-four-hour day. But there are millions of people in the world who will never know about it, although they have decided many times.
But what goes wrong? Your consciousness decides and your unconsciousness cancels. You have heard the proverb: Man proposes and God disposes.... There is no God, but I know there is somebody who disposes. It is your unconsciousness, it is your dark layers of being. Your thin consciousness decides, but your thick layers of darkness cancel, dispose. They have never known about your decision, there is no communication between your consciousness and unconsciousness.
Going beyond this consciousness is the whole alchemy of meditation. To attain to an authentic consciousness which cannot be canceled or overruled by any unconsciousness that may be dormant in your being... Then the emperor has arisen in you, the master has arisen in you.
The second layer, beyond authentic consciousness,
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