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this will be only a passing phase. Soon others will start feeling your authenticity.
And remember, even an authentic anger is better than a pretended smile, because at least it is authentic. And a man who cannot be authentically angry, cannot be authentic at all. At least he is authentic, true to his being. Whatsoever is happening, you can rely on him that it is true.
And this is my observation: that a true anger is beautiful and a false smile is ugly; and a true hate has its own beauty, just like true love -- because beauty is concerned with truth. Neither is it concerned with hate, nor with love -- beauty is of the true. Truth is beautiful in whatsoever form. A truly dead man is more beautiful than a falsely alive man, because at least the basic quality is there of being true.
Mulla Nasruddin's wife died, and the neighbors gathered, but Mulla Nasruddin was standing there completely unaffected, as if nothing had happened. Neighbors started crying and weeping and they said, "What are you standing there for, Nasruddin? She is dead."
Nasruddin said, "Wait! She is such a liar -- at least for three days I have to wait and see whether it is true or not."
Remember this -- that beauty of truth, authenticity. Become more authentic and you will have a flowering. And the more authentic you become, by and by you will feel many things are falling away -- of their own accord. You never made any effort to do it; they are falling of their own accord. And once you know the knack of it, then you become more and more loose, more and more natural, authentic. And, says Tilopa:
... ONE CAN BREAK THE YOKE -- THUS GAINING LIBERATION.
The liberation is not very far away, it is just hidden behind you. Once you are authentic and the door is open -- but you are such a liar, you are such a pretender, you are such a hypocrite, you are so deeply false; that's why you feel that the liberation is very very far away. It is not! For an authentic being, liberation is just natural. It is as natural as anything.
As water flows towards the ocean, as vapor rises towards the sky, as the sun is hot and the moon is cool, so for an authentic being
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