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from Atta, that "You use so many times the word 'I', 'me', 'my', 'my sannyasins'. You seem to be the greatest ego around."
I can stop using "I", "me", "my", "my sannyasins" -- that won't help. These are just words, and perfectly utilitarian. I also use the word "darkness", although it does not exist. It has never existed, it cannot exist. Just by using the word "darkness", darkness does not start existing. But Atta must be waiting for some opportunity to say something aggressive to me, to be in some way violent to me. This is natural, because sannyas means surrender, and when you surrender then more often than not you are repressing your ego. It will find its way from somewhere to assert.
It is not just a coincidence that Buddha's own brother, Devadatta, tried many times to kill him. His own cousin-brother... Why? Why he was so antagonistic to him? And he was also his disciple. But they were contemporaries, of the same age. They were brought up in the same palace, educated by the same teachers in the same academy, played together. And then Buddha became enlightened, and there was deep jealousy in Devadatta. First he tried on his own to become enlightened; he could not. So, unwillingly, reluctantly, he surrendered to Buddha. He must have said with deep resistance, "BUDDHAM SHARANAM GACHCHHAMI; I take shelter into the Buddha, into your feet." But deep down somewhere he must be thinking that, "We belong to the same royal family, the same blood, the same education. We have played together. So why I should surrender to this man?" And then, once he started going a little into meditation, just a little, few experiences of meditation, and he started gathering a following around himself He started to spread the rumor that he has also become enlightened.
Buddha called him, that "You WILL become enlightened; there is no problem about it. But right now you are just on the way. Don't miss this opportunity." This offended him very much. Immediately all repressed resistance asserted -- he revolted. He took away few people those who had become his friends and followers, away from Buddha. And their whole effort was: How to kill this man?
Judas was the
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