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-- his oldest disciple, and the most clinging one; for forty years he had been with Buddha and he had not attained, he had not realized himself yet; he loved Buddha too much. If you love too much... remember always, anything that is too much becomes part of the mind; only balance is transcending mind; anything that is too much becomes part of the mind; He loved Buddha too much, the love was not a freedom, it had become a bondage -- anything of the too much is a bondage -- and now that Buddha is dying his whole life is ruined. Anand cries and weeps like a small child whose mother is dying.
And Buddha stops him and says: What, Anand, are you doing? He looks at Buddha with tear-filled eyes and says: Now where will I see you? Where will I seek you? And Buddha laughed and he said: That has been my whole teaching! For forty years that is what I have been telling you, that whenever you want to see me, look within! APPA DEEPO BHAVA; be a light unto yourself. THERE, inside you, you will find me.
If you cling to the outside, it may be a Buddha, a Jesus, but you cling to the world, because the outside is the world. You own innermost interior is the transcendental.
Move withinwards and you come closer to me. Come closer to me and you go far from yourself. Try to understand this paradox: If you try to come closer to me you will go further from yourself, and how can you come close to me if you are going further from yourself? Come closer to yourself and you come closer to me, because how is the otherwise possible?
When you come closer to yourself you come closer to me because in the innermost being the centre is one. On the periphery we differ; on the periphery I am an individual, you are an individual; the move withinwards brings these peripheral points closer and closer and closer -- and when you exactly reach to the centre of your being there is no duality. The two have disappeared. The TWONESS has disappeared.
Question 2
BAUL PANCHUCHAND SINGS: STRIKE YOUR MASTER HARD AND WORSHIP IN FAITH. YOU WISH TO BE DEVOTED TO GOD, LIVE UNATTACHED, HOMELESS, IN SPITE OF A HOMESTEAD AND YOUR LIFE WITH A GIRL. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD THAT FOREVER
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