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some thing -- and god is not a thing.
God is the total process of existence. Rather than calling it existence, it is better to call it existing. That which is existing and goes on existing -- that is god.
So god is the impossible goal -- yes, a goal it is, but impossible... and that's the beauty of it.
One has to seek it, knowing well that one is never going to arrive. But in that very search is joy, in that very adventure is bliss. So I will call you 'abhiyana', mm?
And you have come now to the right place. You have knocked on many doors -- but that is natural. Before one knocks on the right door one has to knock on many doors, because there is no other way to know the right. One has to grope in the dark... one has to go on knocking. One can never be certain.
And everything helps. Even wrong doors help -- they help you to reach to the right door. They are also needed -- they have a certain purpose to fulfill. So whomsoever has helped you to come to me -- good people, not-so-good people, religious, irreligious, real, phoney -- to whomsoever has helped you, feel grateful towards them all, unconditionally grateful, because without them you would not have been here.
Life is such a big mystery, and so many people are playing their roles in it that we never know how we are helped.... But you have come!
[The new sannyasin said that previously he had done jikra. 'Jikra' means remembrance, and is a sufi meditation. See'the great nothing', october 8th, where bhagwan described this meditation in detail.]
And how were you feeling doing jikra?
[The sannyasin replies: My heart breaks!]
Good! The heart is meant to be broken. Its purpose is that -- that it should melt into tears and disappear. The heart is to evaporate, and when the heart has evaporated, exactly in the same place where the heart was, you come to know the real heart.
This heart has to break. Once it has fallen apart, suddenly you come to know a deeper heart. Just like an onion, you peel it and the new layer is there.
So this heart is the outermost heart -- mm? once it has broken, a fresher heart, a deeper heart, will become available.
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