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you could stay in spite of his rude manner, you would not find a more compassionate, more sympathetic person, but first you would have to pass through the test. He said, "I will not waste my energies on people who cannot be helped by me. First I must know whether a person is capable of trust."
So there are techniques that are based on faith and there are techniques that are based on doubt. Both lead to the same. In the end, a point comes where doubt becomes impossible; you cannot doubt. That means you have come to trust -- even in yourself, but, still, the trust is absolute.
Descartes became a very religious person in the end. He had such deep faith that everything that he had denied before he said was all nonsense. "If I cannot doubt myself, then who am I to doubt the divine?" he said in the end. He doubted everything and denied everything until ultimately he came to himself. This fact could not be denied, it was ultimate. But then he realized, "If I cannot doubt myself, if I am incapable of doubting even myself, who am I to doubt anything?" In the end, doubt fails. He became a religious person -- through doubt.
Krishnamurti or Buddha -- they also became religious persons through doubt. And the same thing happens when you go on trusting. To trust means you annihilate yourself. You cannot assert anything. The teacher may say, "It is night now," and you know it is the day. If you went to Gurdjieff that is what he might say. A person who trusted Gurdjieff would think, "He must know more than I do. I have come to learn from him. If he says it is night, he must mean something."
If there is trust, 'I' cannot remain. It is annihilated. You surrender yourself, you are no more. If you surrender to such an extent that your trust is absolute, then you are no more. There is no one who can trust: the duality -- the truster and the trusted -- explodes. Maslow says that what follows is an aha experience. You cannot say anything: aha! it is an explosion There is no one there.
The doubter comes to trust everything in the end and one who trusts reaches nothingness in the end. In the beginning it appears as though the doubter will come to nothingness
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