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and rushing here and there -- for nothing!
Something has started to happen to you through meditation. That's why you are feeling no interest. A sort of renunciation is arising. So just go on working and remain uninterested -- there is nothing to be interested in. By and by a great benediction will arise in you. Right now you are feeling restless because you feel that something is wrong. Once you accept it, the restlessness disappears and nothing is wrong. Then this is the way you are, and this is the way you have to grow.
As I can see, your energy is better than ever. As I can see, it is more settled, but this very settlement is giving you trouble. Even if interest in meditation has disappeared, let it go. There is no need to force meditation. This is the way meditation will happen to you.
Just sit silently. When you have nothing to do, just sit silently. Thoughts move in the mind -- let them. Just be a watcher, and that too, not with a stress, with no tension. What else to do? Thoughts are moving and you are there, so you see them, but there is no need to concentrate. Just a very soft look... an unfocused look.
For three months be in this dullness. This dullness is going to function as a meditation. This is the way renunciation is coming to you. You will feel indifferent to many things -- they are worthless. In fact the problem was that before you were feeling so interested and now you are not, so you think that something is missing. The problem was before, not now.
When a person becomes a little quiet, many things disappear and look foolish. Why go to the hotel and to the club and talk nonsense to people and wear masks and show faces and smile? For what? What is the point of it all?
This is good. So put your energy into your work, and the remaining time simply sit and rest, close your eyes. If you welcome this state, this state will give you great benefit. Great is going to be the pay-off, so don't reject it. And read more and more Lao Tzu in these three months; that will be the right background. Just read a few lines from anywhere.
His whole tape is that whatsoever is, is good -- his renunciation is tremendous.
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