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Unless you are alert and watch it, it can come from anywhere.
[The visitor: But then... I cannot find -- centre is the word you use very much and is the word that is used here. I cannot find an abiding ego if you like. I cannot find an abiding personality. I find with each different person -- with you, with another person -- I become different personalities.]
That's true, because the ego cannot be an abiding thing.
... The ego is not an abiding thing. The ego is a flux. The ego means many egos, the ego means a crowd. The ego is not singular. In language it is singular -- in reality it is plural: the ego means egos. You don't have one ego -- you have many.
... To meditate on the ego, suddenly you become different from the ego -- you become a witness. And that is where the centre is -- and that centre is abiding.
When you start meditating on your ego, on your thoughts, on your mind, you are suddenly separate, because whatsoever you meditate on, you are separate from it. That has become the object and you have become the subject.
... That is what meditation is. That witnessing centre is an abiding centre -- that is your real self. When you get identified with any ego, then you are losing your centre. That's what we talk about -- losing the centre or gaining the centre.
So just meditate about the ego. Meditate about your real situation, where you are. If you feel that you will need something as a help, you can come. If you feel that there is no need for any help, then go on as you are with my blessings.
But keep in mind that you have learned a few things which are in the head and can be very destructive unless they become realities.
[The visitor: When you say to look at myself, as I say, I only see so many egos or personalities.]
Watch them. Watch them and you wi 11 see that you are identified with a few of them -- sometimes with one, sometimes with another. That identification has to be dropped so that you become a pure witness. Simply watch with unconcern, with indifference -- what Buddha calls 'upeksha'.
[Visitor: The way I feel about sannyas... ]
I'm not saying that you take it.
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