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I may simply refuse. That is not the point. I am simply saying to see within yourself whether the reasons you are producing for not taking sannyas are not maybe reasons to protect your ego. If they are not, it is perfectly good. If they are, think about it again.
And never be certain that next time you come... I may not give you sannyas. That is not the point at all. I am not interested in giving you sannyas at all. I am simply interested in making you aware that if you are not moving into a certain thing, then why? What are the real reasons? The rationalisations are not reasons. The motives may be something totally different to the rationalisations. Just watch them.
Join the music group and T'ai Chi, and if you can manage, join the Vipassana.
[Visitor: I've read a book by N. Thera called 'The Heart of the Buddhist Meditation' and according to that, part of the Buddhist doctrine of anapansatiyoga was to look at other people, outside people.]
No, that is absolutely wrong. That is just a beginning part of it. Just learn to observe.
[Visitor: But I've been following this.]
No, you are doing something wrong then. It is not a question of witnessing others -- you have to witness your own self. Witnessing others can be just a beginner's step -- to know what witnessing is. You stand by the side of the road and you watch people passing by. It is easier to watch people who are passing outside, but this is just a training device.
Once you have learned how to watch without judgement.... If some beautiful woman passes by and if a judgement arises that she is beautiful and a certain lust arises that you would like to possess her or to have her -- then the witnessing is lost. Or an ugly person may pass by -- you don't condemn, you are not repulsed, and you don't appreciate. It is just a beginner's training.
Once you have learned this watching, then close your eyes and watch the procession of thoughts, the inner traffic -- which is the real traffic. Watch it there. There are ugly persons passing by and beautiful women and men and friends and enemies and millions of things are happening there. Watch there and be unconcerned...
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