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feel that's where you found the pleasure. You call forgetting yourself a pleasure. There is a reason for it. Because whenever you become aware, you find nothing except misery in your life. Even a little bit of alertness on your part shows how much you are surrounded by pain, misery, and ugliness.
I have a friend who remained a bachelor. I asked him, "What happened? How did you miss?" He said, "There was a big problem. Whichever woman I fell in love with looked to me beautiful when I would be drunk. At that time I would be willing to marry her, but she would refuse. When I would become sober and conscious, she would be willing to marry me but I would refuse. This is how I missed. What to do -- there was no way out."
Whenever you'll open your eyes, you will find nothing but ugliness and misery all around you. Everything looks fine when you are in an unconscious state. This is the reason why you find it difficult to conceive: CONSCIOUSNESS IS THE BEING. You say, "Impossible!" That's why one needs to go through pain. That is called tapascharya, spiritual practice. Whenever one begins to become aware, first he will have to go through suffering. For lives you have created misery around you, who else would pass through it if not you? That is what we have called the karma.
Karma simply means: the misery created all around by you for life after life. Knowingly or unknowingly you have sown the seeds of misery, now who will reap the crop? So whenever you come to your awareness, you see the crop -- long and wide. You will have to pass through this farm. But you sit there out of fear. Looking at the field and realizing what a great bother it is, you close your eyes and get drunk. But the more you become drunk, the more the crop grows. Each birth of yours adds something into the chain of your karmas, not reduce anything. It takes you deeper and deeper into a pit, the hell comes closer and closer.
As soon as you are filled with awareness, the first thing that will happen is you will begin to see misery, the hell around you. Because you are the one who has created it. However, if you remain courageous and pass through the misery consciously, you will
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