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but you will never be perfect. Perfection is not allowed by the laws of nature itself.
And the idea that "I cannot put myself on the line enough" -- there is no need. Put on the line as much as you enjoy -- that is enough.
But I have a feeling that you want to go up the ladder to the highest rung... But you don't know that the ladder at the highest rung goes nowhere. You come to the highest rung and then you look stupid. Then your whole life is wasted: you have become the president, you have become the prime minister and all kinds of nonsense people. But they all feel awkward; that's why they go on smiling to hide... so that nobody suspects that they have been stupid. There are ladders and ladders....
Hymie Goldberg is right. He became the richest man and when asked, "What have you learned?" he said, "Nothing but climbing ladders -- and at the end there is nothing."
But you cannot even say that at the end there is nothing.
Nirupa, you are perfectly good. You have always been good. My love to you has never wavered. It does not waver to anybody. And I know your devotion, your dedication; it is immensely valuable.
But you are living in some misunderstanding. Drop that misunderstanding. You are on the line, and there is no need to be forgiven. You have all my love, as everybody else has. Here there is no hierarchy. Here there is nobody higher and nobody lower.
There was to be a christening party for the new baby, but before the ceremony the priest took the new father aside and asked, "Are you prepared for this solemn event?"
"I think so," replied the father. "I've got cheese rolls, salad and cake."
"No, no," interrupted the priest, "I mean spiritually prepared?"
"Well, I don't know," said the man thoughtfully. "Do you think two cases of whiskey are enough?"
You are living in some fantasy about yourself and torturing yourself. A few people like torturing... And I told you, here there is no hierarchy. And that's one of the most important things to be remembered: the people who are doing the work are just functional; they are not higher than you.
In the commune in America... because I was
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