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imprison me in its cold grip. Sometimes it has been only half-seen, sometimes almost absent. Now in the last month it has leaped with colossal force to the front of my consciousness and revealed itself as my jealousy and resentment. I am so jealous and resentful of the people around me whom I see as close to You and more privileged than me."
The shadow is impressing you. There is nobody who is closer to me than anybody else, and there is nobody who is more privileged. You have just to understand a simple thing: one thousand people cannot sleep in my room; otherwise I will have to get out!
And not to give anybody the idea that somebody is more close to me, I sleep alone. Nobody sleeps in my room. Naturally, a few people who bring my food will appear to you as closer to me, but it is only appearance. Those who love me are equally close to me and equally privileged. And it is just functional that a few people will be doing things -- somebody will be cleaning my room. Now, one thousand people cleaning my room will make it more dirty. Too many cooks cannot be allowed in the kitchen; otherwise they will kill me.
So you have to be a little more rational and see that your old identity is putting wrong ideas in your head. If you get impressed by those ideas, then there is a possibility that the old shadow will take back its place.
You have to drop jealousy and resentment. Just being my sannyasin, you are so privileged that the whole world can be jealous of you. Just being in meditation, you can create jealousy in others.
That's what happened in the commune in Oregon, in America. Five thousand people being so happy, so blissful, continuously singing and dancing -- it made the whole gang of American politicians antagonistic, because people started asking them: "These people have nothing but a desert, a vast desert, one hundred twenty-six square miles. In that desert, for forty years nobody had even tried to grow something...."
It was for sale for forty years, for three generations, and nobody had even bothered to purchase it, at any price. What you are going to do with a desert? And even when our sannyasins purchased it, the topmost
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