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a little hairy creature on a rope that kept smelling me, and then it watered my feet..."
"Yes," interrupts Beep-o. "But what about that big, ugly beast on the other end of the rope?"
"Oh, that!" exclaims Og. "Be careful of that one. While the little hairy beast was washing my feet, that big one walked up to me, stuck a silver coin in my mouth, then beat on my face and screamed, `Shit! There is never any fucking Coca-Cola in these machines!'"
Paddy decides to have his old Ford car completely computerized and automated at O'Grady's Garage.
After the job is done, he drives over to Kowalski's house. An hour and ten beers later, Paddy shouts, "Hey, Kowalski! Come and listen to my new automatic compact disc player!"
Kowalski grabs his can of beer, staggers across the yard and gets into the car.
"How about some Irish music?" slobbers Paddy, selecting a tiny silver disc and pushing several buttons on the dashboard.
Five minutes later the speeding Ford car rounds a corner on two wheels, knocks down a policeman and four pedestrians, overturns a fruit-cart, slices a telephone pole in half, flattens one hundred yards of bushes, rolls over three times, and flies through the open door of the pub -- finally coming to rest against the shattered bar.
A dazed Paddy opens the crumpled door of the back seat and staggers out. Then an equally dazed Kowalski rubs his eyes and peers at Paddy through the dust.
"Jeezus Christ!" Kowalski cries. "Can you get all that on a tiny compact disc?"
Spudski, the Polack farmer, is hiring someone to help him run his farm.
Clodski applies for the job and goes for an interview.
"Now show me," says Farmer Spudski, "how you blow your nose."
Clodski is puzzled, but obligingly clears his nostrils, one at a time into the air, making a disgusting noise.
"Okay," says Spudski, "you are hired."
"You mean," asks Clodski, "that's all you want to know about me? Why?"
"Well, you see," explains the farmer, "the last guy that worked here had a disgusting habit. He used to blow his nose into little rubber bags and leave them in my wife's bed!"
Nivedano...
(Drumbeat)
(Gibberish)
Nivedano...
(Drumbeat)
Be
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