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so that you can understand clearly what is happening.
First you say, "When I look inside myself, I catch a glimpse of what seems like centuries of conditioning." This will happen to everybody because everybody has been conditioned for centuries. You are forgetting just one thing -- which is often forgotten by seekers of their inner world, and this is most important to remember, not to forget.
You are saying, "When I look inside, I catch a glimpse of what seems like centuries of conditioning." One thing is certain: that you are not part of the conditioning, you are the watcher. When you go in, you see centuries of conditioning around your consciousness. But you are not part of the conditioning, and that is the only ray of hope.
Conditionings may be of centuries, it does not matter. The moment you disidentify yourself with them, they lose all power. You become immediately free. Who is seeing the centuries of conditioning? Certainly the seer, the observer is separate from that which he is seeing. You go into the garden and you see all these trees, but you don't feel identified with those trees; you go inside and you find centuries of conditioning, but you are not the conditioning. Realizing this is the beginning of a revolution in your very idea about yourself.
You are consciousness.
Conditionings are just like dust which has gathered on the mirror; it can be washed away, and the mirror will come to its purity immediately. No dust can destroy the mirror, it can only hide it. Conditionings can hide you, but they cannot destroy you. Just as dust can be removed from the mirror, conditionings can be removed as easily.
Secondly you say, "I feel that I certainly will not become enlightened, although others might." This certainty that you will not become enlightened is arising because of your misunderstanding about conditionings. Seeing so many conditionings, you have lost hope. You think you will never become enlightened -- you are certain -- "although others might." Do you think others are new people in the world? They are as old as you are. They have passed through all that you have passed through. They have gathered as much dust
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