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but it is tremendously alive! And never be afraid, because there is nothing to lose, and never compromise, because through compromise one goes on sel!ing one's soul. The only way to be blissful is to be yourself. If you compromise, if you listen to everybody's advice and every tom, harry and dick goes on manipulating you, and you allow it, you will be lost.
It is nobody's business to interfere in your life. Just listen to your heart.
And my feeling is that if you drop others' advice... and it will be easier now by becoming a sannyasin; it will become very very easy... my feeling is that you will start loving your job, because teaching can be a beautiful phenomenon. But don't become a teacher; that can create a tension and a heaviness.
Teaching is good; don't become a teacher. Enjoy it, explore it, go into it; at the most be a friend to your students, an elderly brother, but not a teacher, not infallible. That brings such a rock-like feeling on the heart, one is crushed. It is so psuedo and hypocritical and so false, pretentious: one goes on just pretending things which are not true.
Just be a true human being, with all the limitations, with all the fallibility. If you don't know the answer of a certain question, you can say, 'I don't know! Tomorrow I will find out. You also find out; you may find a better answer!' Get down from the pedestal! I call that 'pedestalitis'. Get down from the pedestal and you will be unburdened. You also be a student!
And teaching is the best way to learn; one never learns in a better way.When you start teaching people and if you don't become a teacher and still remain a learner, you learn more than you can ever learn in any other way. By making things clear to others they become clear to you; by teaching others you teach yourself... but great humbleness is needed.
My feeling about you is that you are not troubled by your job as such; you are troubled by some other things. You have become a teacher and that is crippling you. Forget about being a teacher; just be a friend! Enjoy the whole thing! Don't pretend that you know all -- nobody does. Don't try to become the omnipotent or the omniscient;
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