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later on the mind came in. And it is bound to come, to take account of the whole situation and of what happened. It surveyed the whole thing and it interpreted it as a kind of suicidal instinct in you, mm? -- what Freud calls 'thanatos', that one is drawn towards death. Then one becomes afraid; this is pathological! To want to be killed seems like an illness, a kind of madness. But it was not that at all.
And maybe because you were so totally surrendered the other person was also possessed to see how long you could go. Not that he wanted to kill you, otherwise he would have. But you were giving a great challenge to him -- the challenge that you were ready to die, that you were ready to go so far. Now the only way to judge whether you were really going so far was to try it. So he tried!
But he could not kill you because he was not there to kill you; it was just that your acceptance created the challenge. So in his deep unconscious it came to him to see how long and how far you went on saying yes. He could see that you could go on saying yes. Then at the last moment he stopped because there would be no point in going on. He was not there to kill you, was not wanting to kill you but wanting to see how far you could go. And that too was unconscious.
Sometimes these things happen. Your unconscious was ready to go to the very end, his unconscious was also trying to take you at least if not to the very end then just a little bit before it, to the last 'but'. He took you just to the boundary and then it was certain that you were ready to go even into death. Now your love can grow very very deep.
But his mind will also come back just like your mind and he will start thinking he is aggressive, violent, and he wanted to kill the woman who loves him: 'This is dangerous; is he a murderer or something?' Just as your mind will interpret, his mind will interpret; he may start feeling guilty. Make it clear that he need not feel guilty, you need not feel pathological. Suddenly you will see that your love has taken a new jump and friendship will grow now on a different level. Don't miss that opportunity. Make it clear to him and help him also to become
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